Begin Cliche:
Don't you ever wish you could pause your own life?
End Cliche.
In response, yes, I do in fact wish I could pause my own life, like on that Adam Sandler movie Click, in which he finds a clicker (remote control? I call it clicker. It's classier, I think) that manipulates life, sort of like television. Except I only need a clicker that pauses. Otherwise I'd get slaphappy and start rewinding and changing my own decisions, so that I would end up like Ashton Kutcher in The Butterfly Effect with no arms or legs and a lot of brain trauma. Which at this point in my life is undesirable.
However, there is one additional feature I'd like to have on my magical tool. I'd like to pause, and I'd like to be able to step out of the screen. I would like to step out of reach of the camera, and just yell. And scream. And kick. And cry. And maybe bite, but I'm not sure what there would be to sink my teeth into off-camera. I don't think I get enough time to be turned off. It's so ingrained into my subconsciousness that I'm afraid I can't power down.
I never learned how. I guess that's a skill (curse?) that accompanies the spotlight to which I've become accustomed. I realized this when I was talking with my parents at dinner, painstakingly lamenting the tasks-yet-to-be-done once I get back to the city. I never get a chance to pause, because there isn't a place for a temporary respite. Is that a problem of mine or a brother to the business? Maybe it's a sibling to my personality. That would be a fun brother to wrestle.
Speaking of, that's not really the best of times, either. See, I've learned as I've grown up that taking the absolute positive and disregarding the negative about my life works really well to keep you in an uppity mood. Not unlike speed, though (which I've never tried, don't judge), you've gotta come down after the upper, and all too soon do I realize that not only is there a negative to every positive but also it tends to slap you like an angry sugar daddy when you don't pay attention to him (it).
Still following? I hope so.
So anyway, I came home with this optimistic air, candidly expecting christmastime with the fam (which is a generally popular slang term for family, you out-of-the-loopers) to be splendid and joyous and beautiful. Which, for the most part, it has been. If you ignore half of the hours in the day.
Which, miraculously (did you ever believe it would, naysayers?), brings me full-circle to my pause-gadget, also commonly referred to as a magical clicker. For in reality, there shall be no forgetting of time, as that would be unwise in any situation. Practical, yes. Wise, no. Nor will there be any shutting-off in my near future, as we've ruled that out as well. So instead, it would be nice to just pause. Pause, and yell, scream, kick, cry and bite (upon further review I can think of a few people I would like to bite, so I snuck it in).
Following that, I'd be more than happy to unpause and pay tribute to the Allman Brothers. Or Joe Dirt, whichever suits you better.
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