I’m afraid of being spread too thin. Not like that’s really anything new in my life—I’ve had my fingers in so many things over the years—beginning when I was carted off to soccer practice, whisked away to subsequent play practice, and then rocketed to my brother’s basketball games at age 6! My family lives in the fast lane and we are at our best when we are being pulled in thirteen directions, asked to do five things simultaneously. All this said, I thrive in such an environment but have taken the last few years to realize that yes, there actually is such a thing as wearing thin. I’m afraid of missing the opportunities that I was too busy to realize were initially standing there. I think I’m so caught up in whatever the task at hand is that managing hundreds of things might allow for the one great thing I maybe saw just once slip past me. Maybe it already has.
Of course, the greatest tool that I’ve ever been gifted with is perspective. I know the concept-outline of what my life means, and though on one hand that’s an extremely heavy burden to bear, the other hand has me celebrating the countless instances that perspective has saved my life. So while I do admit that I’m afraid of missing out, I believe in living life, rather than wishing you’d made this choice or that choice. There are always going to be things I can do.
I’m also afraid of believing the wrong people. I think that until we learn otherwise, people believe in inherent good in their fellow man (how dramatic is that, I feel like I’m running for president). As it stands, I still follow the light side. What this means in a practical application is that I am reluctant to believe otherwise and this fact affords me some trouble in a high-stakes, competitive environment like New York. I am scared of my easy-going, affable conversational skills in that I can find myself in unwanted situations that, if I now let my mind wander, could potentially be dangerous.
And yet the other side of that coin is that I have found my instincts to be pretty accurate. As I get older I have become more able to navigate dicey waters more fluidly (my wit as a pun-master is unmatched), picking and choosing my words and the direction of the situation much more carefully. A formidable set of navigational skills can make or break a career in theatre!!
Also, I’m afraid of grasshoppers. When I was little my brother used to chase me around and threaten to put them down my shirt, wriggling and all legs and creepy as hell. And that’s all there is to that.
